“I didn’t know my tongue could do that!”
Colt Perkins – Age five – Commenting on How he Helped to Facilitate the Loss of his First Tooth
“And I’d end by saying, have no fear these are NO WHERE near the best years of your life.”
Brad Paisley in his Song “If I Could Write a Letter to Me.”
On Saturday Jan and I went to a very fun production of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in which our niece’s children were the stars. Well okay, Kaleb was a “town-animal”, and Annika was a “trial spectator.” Annika actually had a line and Kaleb knew where to stand (for the most part) so they were stars to us. The idea was that the three bears filed a criminal complaint against Goldilocks for breaking and entering and for willful destruction of property for the damage to Baby Bear’s chair. It was very cute. Kaleb, age five, did not seem to be nervous in any way, in fact he seemed a bit, distracted. What could distract a five-year-old while on stage in front of hundreds of his adoring family and friends? (Okay maybe like sixty or seventy.) Kaleb had TWO loose teeth. Those loose teeth occupied a lot more of his attention than the play.
Loose teeth were a bit of an epidemic in our family this year. Colt and Natalie both lost their first teeth. Garrett also lost another tooth, but did not experience the extreme trauma that his two younger cousins did. (See above quotation expressing Colt’s amazement at the whole process.) Those two were not in any way amused when their older cousins or uncles or aunts volunteered to remove them at no charge. It was very cute and reminded me that every generation goes though the same rites of passage. But is it really the same these days? I’m not sure.
One of the very best things that can happen to a grandpa on vacation is for a grandchild to sit on your lap and actually talk with you. I had this treat this year with the aforementioned Natalie. We did not discuss her tooth issues. We were talking and listening to some songs playing from the playlist on my phone. As we sat there, I was absent-mindedly whistling along with the tune. I realized that Natalie was observing me very carefully for a minute or two. And then she told me. “I wish I could whistle. I have tried and can’t seem to get it. I Googled instructional videos on how to whistle and watched them carefully, but I haven’t been able to get it yet.” I was taken aback. Here is Nattie, aged six, with access to Google and the knowledge of how to use it to search out an instructional video!!! I was amazed at her acumen to come up with the idea of a whistling instructional video and for her initiative to find it and try it. I found it amusing and charming, but also a bit unsettling. Oh, I know that our grandchildren are very computer literate starting at a young age. This feat is probably a lot more impressive to me than it is to her parents or teachers. But does this seem right? Does this seem good? Are things all different these days?
I have been thinking about this a lot in the days following vacation. This fall will bring about a lot of changes for many of our grandchildren – going from high school to college, going from elementary school to middle school, going from kindergarten to first grade, going from preschool to kindergarten, etc. We also have a college senior who is beginning the home stretch to her degree and is now seriously contemplating entrance into the job market as well as an upcoming wedding.
A lot of these changes that our grandkids have to navigate through are not fundamentally different than what we and our children went through. Heck, I remember especially how difficult the transition from elementary school to middle school was for me. And really, we ALL had a first tooth lost incident, didn’t we? It strikes me that we should take some comfort in knowing that we all have figured out a way to navigate these challenges and no doubt our grandchildren will too. But it also seems to me that as we recall the trauma of these life events with the knowledge that you CAN get through them, there is a tendency to minimize how hard it is today, when you are the kid in the middle of the challenge without the benefit of hindsight.
Our grandchildren begin to experience the pressure to succeed in preschool and before. They are evaluated in many ways at very young ages. We try to help them capitalize on their strengths and to overcome their weaknesses. We worry about how the preschools and elementary schools that they attend are rated. Will they be properly prepared for kindergarten? Will they be properly prepared for elementary school? For middle school and high school? Will they gain admittance to the best colleges, universities and technical schools? Will they excel in music and sports? Are we doing enough to help them to be well-rounded?
Most parents do a good job of not too-directly transmitting these pressures to their children. But even at young ages our kids know that they need to succeed. And if they forget any of this, they are reminded of it constantly on the feeds that they get from television and their own social media. Am I measuring up? When I was a kid, bullying was somebody that shoved you around on the playground. You just need to fight it out, or in my case get a big brother to punch the trouble making kid. Bullying today is much more pervasive and pernicious. The pressure to succeed at every level is more overt and intense. And unfortunately, our kids can become very discouraged and convinced that they are NOT going to succeed in life at a very young age.
What could a grandparent do? There is a phenomenon that allows grandparents to communicate with grandchildren in ways that their parents cannot. What could I try to teach them at age seventy-four?
- I may be old, but I remember losing my first tooth. It won’t really hurt very much. Trust your Mom and Dad, they want what is best for you. And the tooth fairy WILL come.
- Doing the best that you can in school is really important but remember that school is just a PART of life. Some would say it’s a SMALL part of life.
- Run the race as best you can but remember there will be a lot of runners that will be slower than you – don’t become too enamored with your results.
- Run the race as best you can but remember there will be a lot of runners that will be faster than you – don’t become too discouraged with your results.
- When you get into trouble, lean on the ones that you love and the ones that love you – your family.
- Your family can take a lot of forms, hopefully it is your biological relatives, but families come in a lot of various forms.
- This too shall pass – Enjoy your successes and celebrate them. Celebrate the love of your family and the good times there. But remember, difficult times will come. I wish that wasn’t true, but I KNOW it is.
- This too shall pass – The hard times that you might be going through in elementary school, in middle school, in high school, in college – I know it is hard but just keep pounding away. Do your homework the BEST that you can. Go to school tomorrow. You will get through and there will be better times ahead. You have a lot of people who are on your side, especially Grandma and me, rooting for you and praying for the best for you.
- These are NOWHERE near the best years of your life!!