Who Was That Masked Man?

“Freedom is not only a gift, but a summons to personal responsibility.”
— Pope Benedict XVI

It’s Friday afternoon. I’m usually in very good spirits on Fridays, because as many of you know it’s laundry day. And laundry day is a good thing at Craig’s house. But I’m having a hard time being buoyant today. Maybe part of it relates to the cancellation of the State Fair. That is really a bummer. But there is this other thing that has been percolating in my head that I’m having a little trouble getting past.

There’s a lot of talk these days about how we’re all in this together. I totally believe that is true. And there’s also the sense that we will get through this. I believe that too. But I’m a little discouraged about HOW we will get through this – what the cost will be. Those of you who have read my blog know that my thoughts oftentimes are formed when disparate events come together. Today I went to Home Depot to make a small purchase. This is not something that we do lightly because of the lecture that we received from our cardiologist. We are quite religious about wearing our masks. I also have been instructed to wear gloves which I do. The masks according to our cardiologist are not so much for us but rather for protecting others. It was quite discouraging to me to see that very few of the customers and NONE of the employees were wearing masks or bothering to stay apart.

I was ruminating over this while Janice received a text message from one of her former colleagues. Many of you know that Janice was a registered nurse. You may not be aware that she was something called a critical care registered nurse. I know that because I helped her through hundreds of hours of study and testing that it took for her to achieve that little CC in front of her RN. A Critical Care Registered Nurse is a nurse that is qualified to be in attendance in intensive care rooms. I don’t report this out of pride for my wife (although I am intensely proud of her), but instead to buttress some information presented later that shows that these folks who staff ICU’s are in short supply. This leads me to the text that I am forwarding from a nurse who is NOT an ICU nurse but is being forced into the role without proper training and proper equipment and facilities. I’m not going to name this person because I don’t have their permission. I will tell you that they are a Registered Nurse in one of the Trauma One hospitals in the state. The report is pretty discouraging. I think that we are heading for difficult days ahead and I’m not sure even yet, that we’re prepared.

You all cannot imagine what’s going on right now. The last 2 days have been, by far, the worst I’ve seen in my career. Monday, we tried desperately to keep Covid patients alive all day, only to go back Tuesday and find out several of them coded and died on evening shift. Only one, they were able to bring back. After struggling all day and doing our best, my coworkers still had to run BACK TO BACK codes and lose most of them.

Why? Because despite the reassurance from above, NO, we do not have ICU beds for everyone. And even if we have a couple open ICU beds, there is now no nurses for them, so they are useless. We do not have enough resources. In person, I watched the house supervisor try to pound it through the physicians’ heads, yes there was an open bed, but no one to staff it, they could NOT transfer the patient. That patient is one that later died, NOT in the ICU, but still with us.

ICU admits are reportedly down, here’s the truth why… If a Covid patient is a certain age group and has certain comorbidities, they are being ruled out for ICU potential. We are told they are not to be transferred to the ICU. Numbers are down because they never make it there. The doctors are having “Serious Illness,” conversations with their families, trying to obtain DNR/DNI orders.
I will say, sometimes these decisions ARE in the best interest of the patient, but right now, I’m starting to see this on a large scale and with patients we would not have done it with before. Many of these patients do not want to die. Their families do not want them to die. The MD notes in the chart are literally reading like, “During times of crisis, when resources are strained… This patient likely would not experience a positive outcome…” Basically, if they don’t think the patient would do as well as others, well, the others are more deserving of the few beds we have and this patient is prevented access. Yup, we’re 100% already doing this in Minnesota. Choosing who lives and dies.

So, we are being forced to care for patients who need an ICU level of care, in a lower care environment with lower levels of intervention. BiPap and Hi flow will work for some patients, but often we are desperately trying to maintain patients who are really too critically ill to remain on them, because ICU space is now at a premium. It is NOT WORKING AND PEOPLE ARE DYING.

I don’t know what to do or say anymore… It’s seeing horrible things already happening, feeling helpless to stop them, and knowing so much more is on the way. I’m seeing our government leaders claim “we have prepared,” but going to work and having no support. Nurse/patient ratios are the same, even though patients are 10 times sicker and staying on my unit, when they need ICU. We’re short on staff, because we are also getting sick. I would usually be able to call a flying squad nurse for assistance when I’m getting in over my head, now they’re all being pulled to the ICU to replace staff and there is no back up. We had no aide on one of the hallways, like so often lately, so we do the work of aide, on top of nurse, with those patients. We’re not getting breaks. We’re not drinking fluids adequately, too short on time and afraid to remove our N95s. There’s headaches, dizziness, crying and fatigue. We are under pressure to literally keep those patients alive, because there’s no alternative. And this is the tip of the iceberg…

Please wear your masks and maintain distance if we must open. Follow the rules. I am BEGGING you, please! Please, please have humility and compassion for others, please think about your family, neighbors and their families. Please think about us. Have enough heart to care for people you don’t know.

How widespread is this situation? Is the nurse overstating the situation? I suppose we can’t be sure, but my wife worked in critical care for twenty-five years and SHE believes it. There are issues that are going to come home to roost and be very problematic for us. And why do I believe this? I believe this because I hear this from epidemiologists and doctors. There is a great discounting these days of science and particularly medical science. I trust Dr. Anthony Fauci and I trust Dr. Michael Osterholm. Why? Because they are renowned experts and they know a lot more than I do! And by the way they know a lot more than anyone else who is not an epidemiologist. And that includes our president. When I wear my mask, it is because I want to protect others. I don’t think I have COVID-19, but I don’t know for sure. And to reduce risk for anybody that I’m close to I’m going to wear a mask When I see my fellow citizens going about their business AS USUAL I have to conclude that they are not ready to reciprocate that concern. They really do not care about me. Oh, I hear comments from the people who are protesting the partial closures that they will die when it is their time. Even if I accept that they really mean that, we all know that’s not the way it’s going to go when these people contract COVID -19. They’re going to go to the hospital. And they’re going to take up one of those hospital beds and perhaps an ICU unit. And this is an ICU unit that could be used by someone who has done everything they can to avoid COVID-19 and who DOESN’T think it’s their time to die.

My point is let’s not be cavalier about the situation we’re in. What is the downside to wearing a mask or staying six feet apart?! I think that there is a lot of evidence that shows that it lessens the probability of those around you getting COVID-19. Isn’t that something that we should do as Americans? We should worry about fellow Americans! Will we get through this? Of course we will. But what will be the cost for our cavalier attitude and for our casual disregard of science? It seems to be fashionable these days to disrespect everything we have gained through the advances of science because we want to be independent or because the economy is suffering. I realize the economy is suffering. I have a daughter that has been laid off since the beginning of this mess. She is financially hurting! She would dearly love to get back to work. Do I want that? Of course I do. Am I willing to sacrifice my life and her life to achieve it? NO. Let’s keep our eye on the ball. Wearing a mask is an exceedingly small price to pay for me as a citizen. Maintaining social distance is an exceedingly small price to pay. And following rules is an exceedingly small price to pay.

Phew, I feel so much better now. Put on your mask! Maintain social distancing!! Wash your hands!!